7 things you can't talk about ...
The first date is one of the most exciting events because it will determine the future of a relationship between two people who want to know each other. Often the first dates are also the beginning of new friendships, in fact, if there is no affinity in the "romantic" sense, you can always decide the beginning of a new friendship.
This is why it is very important to pay attention to what we will say, the first sixty minutes are the most important ones, we need to establish a relaxed and pleasant exchange.
So I decided to tell you a story, a first date a few years ago when I was still single and my friend wanted to find me a boyfriend. I think it is one of the most successful examples of a total fiasco, you will understand what went wrong with my words, and most likely you will have a few laughs.
Once upon a Time ...
My first blind date was organized by Nadia, an older friend who was in love with love and stories in a broader sense, such as fairy tales with a happy ending.
It was understandable that I was prejudiced towards his friends because I always thought that my interests towards men were very different from his; she was young but already had two marriages behind her and we met at a birthday party. She was a really good person, very naïve, and always got fooled by men.
The characteristics of the boys who struck me did not interest her and vice versa, then one Friday evening I gave in to make her happy and we went to have an aperitif in a famous Milanese club; the aperitif is an excellent compromise as a first outing because time is limited, you are in a public place and you can easily leave the evening with the excuse of a dinner with friends.
First tip:
As soon as you arrive at the club, check the exits and entrances in order to have an escape route in case the situation becomes difficult. For the choice of meeting, prefer a place where you usually go, in fact this will make you more relaxed because you know the environment and you will be at ease.
On the evening in question I knew the place well because I often went there on Thursday evenings for an aperitif, it was exactly under my friend's house and it was our meeting place. I knew his friend was aware of this, but I had never met him so he most likely didn't like it.
We arrived deliberately ten minutes late, you can understand many things from a man's attitude if you are late: annoyance, impatience, impatience, nervousness, or patience, serenity, calm and sociability.
Matteo and Paolo were already seated at a table, they waved to us as soon as we entered, they were obviously very attentive. Observing them better I immediately noticed the refined clothing of both and the manicure, that says a lot about a person's activities.
Matteo was a bit defensive and I couldn't understand why, I knew my friend had probably said something too much so it took me a while to melt the ice. An idea to relax the environment is to choose the cocktail together, in fact you can tell funny anecdotes about your favorite drinks, like the first time you drank them, but absolutely do not talk about drunk or exaggerated evenings, you will ask him in the way mistaken.
Do not drink anything too alcoholic to keep yourself lucid, you could make a bad impression if you hit him right away, you are there to get to know each other, a four-way date is perfect.
While we were waiting for our drinks Matteo asked me where exactly I was seeing my accent, I replied that I was Sardinian and he opened up with a nice smile "a point in your favor, I love Sardinia".
(In my opinion it is better not to reveal the fact of being under examination, it can create a setback, so yes to the appreciations but not so direct.)
I gave him room to talk as he seemed more relaxed, but he didn't seem to find any arguments so I made my move, wanted to meet this cute guy my friend often talked about and tried to make some conversation.
"What do you do in life?" I asked.
“I'm about to graduate in economics. And you?"
"I also study, in reality I moved here to Milan just to attend the university ..."
“What courage, good girl. I don't know if I would have been able to leave my family and move away from them, in short, having to think about everything, do the shopping, cook, clean… no no! I prefer it this way. "
"So you live with your parents?"
"Yup." Then noticing my astonished expression "of course as soon as I have my degree I will look for a job and I will go to live alone." I call it mirror climbing.
Do not say that you live at home with your parents because you do not want to free yourself, otherwise you will give the impression of being big kids.
Another topic not to be discussed is the financial situation, never do the math in your pocket.
Matteo, on the other hand, without thinking too much: "Do you live alone?"
"No with another girl."
"You have to have a lot of money to keep yourself in Milan ..."
"My parents really help me and I have a part-time job." If you are curious, ask the questions differently, such as "do you live alone or with roommates?" you will get an idea of his / her lifestyle and if he wants, he / she will give you other details during the conversation.
After a very weak start to the conversation I thought of creating a diversion and with the excuse of getting something else to drink I went to greet my friend the bartender and observe Matteo from afar.
While I check my table from the corner of my eye: "in the end Nadia organized a blind date for you huh?" Steve asks, laughing under his breath.
"Yes, I let myself be convinced even though ..."
“Not your type. He's cute but he looks too perfect or am I wrong? "
"I don't know, it seems a bit childish to me."
"But that pashmina? He's been squeezing it since he came in. " If you have any doubts about a person, ask a bartender, very good observers.
While Steve finishes preparing the two cocktails, I look at Matteo who smiles, seems interested, I go back to the table with the glasses.
"Thank you, you're so kind. You seem comfortable here, you happen to be a waitress. "
Subtitles "do you know the bartender?"
“Yes, I was a waitress but not here. He is my friend Steve and he is very engaged. " So right to point out.
"So what are you going to do on the weekend are you busy?"
"Actually yes." I put my hands forward because if the evening does not move I will go to the cinema.
"Do you like to go dancing?" he asks with such emphasis that I think I have found a dancer instead ...
"Yes I go at least once a month, I like to dance, I have fun and then it's a way to see friends"
"Ah here, I don't like to dance when I go, I stay to watch the others."
"I understand ... and aren't you bored?" I tease him.
"No, I look around and try to pick up someone ..."
"Ah OK." I didn't know what to ask but I thought of something I like: cinema.
"Do you like going to the cinema?"
“Hmm it depends on the movies. I only like action ones. "
"So no auteur cinema or other genres?"
"Absolutely no. I generally prefer to see movies on TV, maybe in the warmth on the bed… ”and he raises his eyebrows in an allusive way. I immediately change the subject.
Never make explicit allusions to sex.
"You like to travel?" excellent argument because even if you have never taken a trip, there is certainly a desire to do so in the future.
“Hmm yes, even if it is too much trouble to go abroad. I like going to the beach, do you have a house by the sea? " here it is always better to avoid these interested comments and above all not to reveal the fact of being listless to do things.
"Do you do any sport?" certainly yes he has a nice body.
“Yes I have been playing tennis for many years but then I got bored, now I go to the gym and every now and then I play Squash. And you?"
"I also go to the gym, I like martial arts, but also swimming ..."
"Strong, so if someone wants to beat me you can defend me!" I didn't know what to answer so I made a fake laugh, he continued to laugh alone and involved Paolo and Nadia in this joke too, who looked at him very badly, dampening his enthusiasm.
At the same moment a message arrived on his cell phone, he looked at it with a wrinkle of his nose.
"All right?" I asked.
"Yeah it's just that bitch of my ex."
"Ah sorry I didn't want to be indiscreet."
"It doesn't matter, it's just that she resumed texting me after she was dumped by the guy she cheated on me with."
It's best to avoid talking about an ex.
In fact, he did his utmost in a monologue, telling the story in detail. After twenty minutes the rest of us were exhausted and didn't know what to say to stop him, I looked at the time and with a smile I said I had to run away because I had a commitment for dinner. My friend understood and didn't insist too much while Matteo seemed very sorry. I got up and greeted everyone and as I walked towards the exit I heard him behind me.
"Wait I'll take you to the metro"
"Ok." I replied a bit perplexed.
"What area are you going to?"
In the event that he wanted to accompany me, I said the stop at a place near my house where I knew I would find my friends. Instead it was nice he apologized to me.
"Listen, I know that tonight wasn't the best but I wasn't very comfortable, with Nadia and Paolo I felt under scrutiny, I don't know if it was the same for you but maybe we could see the two of us another night ..."
I was almost sorry but usually I always rely on first impressions, I almost never make a mistake.
"Maybe we can meet again for a coffee downtown and take a walk ..." he opens up in a smile.
"Okay, or you could invite me over to your house to see a movie on your bed ... you are really very sexy" again the eyebrows.
Wrong to make this kind of appreciation.
"Do you know what? Maybe I'll think about it, now I really have to go. " I practically ran away. I don't find it nice to make this kind of first date innuendo is really the wrong way to create an opportunity to meet again. Rather a comment could be "you really have beautiful eyes" or "what a beautiful smile" never making explicit compliments.
I know that a short story has come out of it but I'm not the only one who has had "accidents along the way" and in any case everything is needed to learn, the appointments are like a climbing gym!
Summarizing the 7 things you absolutely shouldn't talk about on a first date:
Don't talk about devastating nights where you got drunk.
Don't make it clear that you are under scrutiny.
Do not say that you live at home with your parents or you will give the impression of being big babies.
Don't talk about money.
Do not give the impression that you are not interested in things, that you are a boring type, the interest will die off instantly.
Never talk about your ex.
Don't make explicit allusions to sex or unfiltered appreciation.
Remember that on a first date (but also in general when you are with other people) it is a bad idea to put your cell phone on the table and look at it constantly.
Oh God! The first date!
Things to talk about on a first date
The first date is a very delicate moment so I recommend thinking about some topics in advance to make conversation, it is always better to talk about the things we like to do.
You could start with a culturally interesting aspect but also with pleasant implications and multiple implications:
Do you travel
Travel is a pleasant time to share and places the conversation in the right way because you can both talk about your personal experiences, the places you visit and the places you would like to visit; if the other person doesn't like to travel, you can ask why and continue the conversation.
2.Pets
Pets are a topic that is always good, there are those who love dogs and those who prefer cats, I wanted an iguana but luckily I have changed my mind, almost everyone in their life has had a pet, mine first was a cat named Briciola, still today I remember the thrill of picking him up and the sense of well-being in keeping him close, playing together, many funny anecdotes to talk about.
If, on the other hand, the other person does not have one, you can ask why, if it is a matter of work or if they plan to take one.
3.Cinema and TV series
TV series have become a great passion for people, there are many and of different genres, surely it has happened to everyone to watch at least a couple, especially in this particular moment of our life in which we are forced to spend a lot of time at home . For those who love cinema it is easy to bring this topic and ask what is their favorite movie, some have more than one, the important thing is that a pleasant topic to talk about in relaxation for at least 15 minutes and then you can move on to another topic of the list.
4.Music
Everyone thinks they have impeccable musical tastes, the truth is that this isn't always the case so it's a great conversation piece because everyone loves music. The comparison is important but it is equally right not to judge the tastes of the other because he could get nervous, instead from the dialogue you can discover new genres and musicians. A friend of mine on a first date rejected all girls who didn't listen to his gender and used it as the first topic on the list, thus precluding the rest of the conversation.
Remember: never judge!
5.Kitchen
Molecular or vegan, sushi or pizza? Indian or Lebanese, Japanese or Thai ... there are so many and the world has opened up to this new way of eating, a topic among my favorites because I love cooking alone, with my children or friends, but also those who don't love to cook will surely have something to say, everyone loves food in particular so talk about this even if the other is vegan, vegetarian or fruitarian. Remember to respect the tastes of others and do not turn into an ethical omnivore, there are always heated debates about it. Avoid them!
If you live in the same city you can also share opinions on your favorite restaurants, the details we notice are always an excellent topic, from light to furniture, from dishes to the menu.
6. Funny stories
If the conversation is at a standstill and you go into the balloon, think about something funny: even if you are not a particularly nice type, something funny has happened to you at least once.
Think of some anecdote from the past, that is positive, avoid things related to an ex could make the other understand that you still think about her / him.
For example, I love to tell about my "annual bad luck day" which is always repeated once a year and really funny things happen to me, but you can take inspiration from anything, from the environment, from friends or stories that have you particularly amused.
7. Friendships
"Who finds a friend finds a treasure" It is really difficult for a person to not have friends, or people with whom to share part of his life, they often help us in times of need, but also for carefree evenings, a cinema or a pizza. It is one of the most pleasant topics, but we must pay attention to how we position ourselves, ask a few questions, for example you could ask how they met, and then talk about yourself, there must always be an exchange and should not have the impression that is a real interrogation.
I believe that if you can talk about these things in a relaxed way you will have an idea of the person in front of you, for better or for worse you will know if you have things in common or if you are not interested in continuing the knowledge, one last piece of advice : "Always give a second chance", if the other is particularly shy maybe he needs more time to show his potential!
Honey let's rekindle the spark!
Things to talk about with your partner
One of the most important aspects in the couple is communication, often after time spent together we come to a halt and we end up talking about the same things over and over again, the famous routine: "how did it go today?" "are you tired?" "What do we do on Saturday?".
You have to take the conversation to the next level, there are some things you will never talk about out of embarrassment or because you haven't thought about it.
Here is the time to do it! You will also have the opportunity to get to know each other more deeply
Write down the things you would like to talk about and organize a special evening just for you.
The list of things to do absolutely in this life
If like me you are a lover of lists, this is by far the first question, one of the most impactful questions in people's minds, it distorts the very concept of routine.
You will find out what your partner would like to do and you will be able to fulfill some of their wishes.
2. What century or decade would you like to live in?
If you have a passion for sequined dresses, maybe you would like to live in the Roaring Twenties, or go to dinner with the Great Gatsby, or if you love the atmosphere of late 19th century London, you could read a book about Jack The Ripper ... or if you like Gladiator you can think of seeing some themed movies. From here it begins.
3. Tell me about your passions
We often live with a person but we do not know deeply what his deepest passions are, the things he would like to do even for work or simply because he loves doing it.
4. What language of love do you speak?
Many experts suggest addressing the subject because you can find out really interesting things about your partner's behavior, you should really start discussing the ways you prefer to give and receive love: in words, acts, gifts, physical contact or the time spent together?
5. Tell me about your sexual fantasies
This is not the time to be embarrassed, surely there is something that you have never confessed to your partner, this is the time to talk to him, tease him and maybe put some fantasy into practice.
6.Confess some gluttony
Everyone has their own, it will be fun and will make you accomplices. Who doesn't like Nutella spread on chipster?
Why is reading good?
How to initiate your children to reading.
Notes from my experience.
1.When I was expecting my first child -Nicolò-, in the evening I spent some time telling him some story aloud, or reading some excerpt from the novel I was reading at that moment. This way he got used to my voice, but also to the flow of words, sounds are important when the babies are still in the belly. For this reason you listen to music, it seems to have a relaxing effect, and I did.
2.After birth I never stopped reading for him, he liked to listen to the way I modulated my voice and he painted an amazed expression when I changed the voice according to the characters.
3. When he took his first steps, the first thing he did in the morning was to take a little book and take me with him to the sofa, he would make himself comfortable and then say: "read!"
4. Perhaps this is why he likes to read, or perhaps because he was used to hearing stories from an early age, what is certain is that children should be educated to read.
5.It is more difficult when they are learning to read at the age of six because not having fluency they get tired quickly, what you have to do is motivate them, read a few sentences with them and then have them describe the images that are depicted, they will be stimulated to continue reading .
6. If, on the other hand, you are "late" because you have thought about it too late it is not a problem. If you already know how to read, find the time to share a reading in the evening, it is a moment just for you and it will create harmony, reading is good, creates complicity and makes you want to dream.
The soundtrack for an evening for two
Some prefer to go out for dinner, others organize evenings with friends, but sooner or later the time will come for a night for two.
A dinner, an aperitif or a little time to get to know the person we are dating better, it is important to have background music because music always has a therapeutic effect, and it can also be a first topic of exchange.
So I thought I'd share with you some playlists that have accompanied me over time ...
Have a good listening!
Genius
Story of an editor
The other night I wanted to watch a good film, since there are children often give them priority so we choose a film for the whole family, I admit they have grown-up tastes but I prefer to avoid drama films to show them.
I put the two monsters to bed early, I turned on the TV and went to Infinity, there for a while I had added Genius to my video list, I had heard about it when it came out but between various commitments I can't go to the cinema as it once was.
I really appreciate watching movies at home, in the warmth, sitting comfortably on the sofa with my husband sipping one of our spirits.
The story is set in the 1920s in a fascinating New York, the actors are among my favorites: Colin Firth, Jude Law, Nicole Kidman, Guy Pearce, and Laura Linney.
I immediately felt empathy for Max Perkins (Colin Firth) a kind and polite man the protagonist of the story is him, the main editor of the publishing house Scribner's Son and discoverer of Ernst Hemingway, Francis Scott Fitzgerald and Thomas Wolfe the other protagonist of the film, Max let himself be enchanted by the pages and when he started working on it he put all of himself to make the text unique, thanks to him the words of great authors still live today. Through his figure we understand the real work of the editor.
There are many noteworthy phrases and quotes, after all we are talking about a brilliant editor and writers who have made the history of world literature. I was very impressed by the bond between Max and the three writers, it was not just a working relationship, but a deep bond of trust, esteem and friendship far from the usual working relationships.
There is mention of the private life of Francis Scott Fitzgerald, his biography has always fascinated me, his wife Zelda is portrayed in the saddest phase of his life when he was now going crazy. And Thomas Wolfe's weaknesses are an interesting starting point for the cross-section of the time: he is the lover of a 20-year-old woman Aline Bernstein (Nicole Kidman) who left her family to love him.
Thomas egocentric and unruly genius, he puts himself at the center of the world, the affections are difficult to manage and he looks for in Max the father figure that he missed prematurely.
A difficult link between the editor and the author, precisely because Thomas's personality often clashed with others, during their collaboration Max had to cut many parts of the text and it took him years to complete "The river and time ”, there was also a moment when they moved away, but even at the end we understand the great affection between them, in the most tragic moment of life.
When you are a writer for passion and you do your job the stories become an important part of your life, and this is a really good story, it got me from start to finish and my rating is five stars.
"I wrote things that were forcibly torn from my guts and you say there is no space?" Thomas Wolfe.
The mayonnaise
One of the things I prepared the most during the Christmas holidays was the MAYONNAISE.
Forget that my son Mattia and my partner are addicted to this sublime cream, Nicolò (the eldest son) does not particularly love it but thanks to a perfect combination I managed to make him eat it too. The famous egg, tuna and mayonnaise cream ...
The important thing is to have the right recipe, my brother Marco gave me his version developed over time and I admit that there is no comparison with what my mother used to make when I was little: it was semi-liquid, I think it was because she insisted on using the extra virgin olive oil, but I could be wrong I don't remember if he used the mini Pimer, he had the obsession with whips like real chefs!
So have I convinced you? Do you want my recipe?
I'll call it "Uncle Marco's Mayonnaise Recipe"
Ingredients:
an egg at room temperature (out of the fridge for a few hours),
250 ml of corn or peanut oil,
a tablespoon of squeezed lemon,
a pinch of salt,
a cap of white wine vinegar (or apples),
a pinch of pepper,
if you like you can add some mint or garlic, it depends on your taste.
Preparation
Put the egg inside the glass of the Pimer (I usually use that because it has the high edge), and gently add the other ingredients one at a time, you don't have to break the yolk. Once they are all there, immerse the Pimer (off) and when it has touched the bottom turn it on at speed 1 holding it still until the cream forms, then you can move it from top to bottom until it blends well and forms a cream compact, if you want it even firmer you can add a little oil but just a little bit.
Your mayonnaise is ready, I suggest you put it in the fridge to rest for a few hours and enjoy your meal!
Traveling with children useful tips.
Phase 1
Those who love to travel hardly give up their passion even if the arrival of the children in the family complicates things a bit; for this reason I have thought of some tips for those parents who “would like but do not feel safe”, because everything is possible just wanting it!
The first trip with my two children was in Sardinia where my family lives, I had to introduce the children to the relatives and so I organized the days, in fact this is the most important phase. Of course, unforeseen events can happen - it always happens with children - but don't panic and keep calm, the programs can always be changed.
Traveling is a pleasure and shouldn't be stressful, that's why I suggest you have a relaxed pace, the quantity of things to see is not important, but the quality of the time. Children need to feel comfortable especially when they are not in their environment for this you should help them to prepare a backpack with some useful things.
Every parent knows their children well so help them choose the things that can make the difference: a soft toy, a pacifier (always bring a spare), books must never be missing to let them browse or read them together, I also download some games on their mobile phone in case they need to be distracted or for moments of waiting.
Keep it going…
